Things in Crypto We're Freaking Out About

With a nod to Sam Bankman-Fried, CoinDesk staff crowdsource their fears, anxieties and disappointments — for your enjoyment!

AccessTimeIconAug 18, 2023 at 6:48 p.m. UTC
Updated Aug 18, 2023 at 8:15 p.m. UTC
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This article is meant to give a little insight into the current headspace at CoinDesk — we’re hoping it becomes a recurring thing. The company recently laid off some of the finest reporters and editors covering crypto, which sucks. No one here is happy.

Could things be worse? It’s hard to imagine. But at least we’re not as low as Sam Bankman-Fried, the disgraced founder of FTX, who was recently thrown in one of the worst penitentiaries in the U.S. after abusing the conditions of his bail.

If there is a silver lining of the former media darling doing the unbearably petty thing of leaking his former girlfriend and colleague Caroline Ellison’s diary, it’s learning the pill-popping, salt-licking former billionaire is a bundle of anxiety.

Part of Ellison’s testimony in the trial slated to begin this October could be her running list “Things Sam is Freaking Out About” which apparently included money trouble and bad press. Oh, Sam, if only you knew the hole you were digging.

In a nod to Ellison and SBF, CoinDesk decided to memorialize some of things we’re freaking out about. Hopefully it won’t be used as evidence in court against us — we’re bad with money, but not criminally bad.

Freaking out about

The DeGods airdrop

The SEC Has No Idea How to Regulate Crypto



Air travel

Mold at MDC, SBF’s new home

Saying goodbye

What is room temp?

Getting replaced by Grammarly

Wasted time on hype around things like AI and LK-99

Humanity’s collective hours spent on YouTube

HBO mashup How To with John Adams

The death of print

The death of my mint plant

Inbox: 32,124 unread

Shibarium says the bridge is fine

$1 billion liquidated in a flash crash: blockchain circuit breakers?

Why does no one say Jiminy Cricket anymore?

My god, a cricket deuteragonist!

Who's going to a 9:30 A.M. screening of “Barbie?”

Life’s imponderables

SEC view on regulating and crypto’s view differs wildly

Lunch munch

Bryan Johnson’s lithium intake

Zeke Faux on pig butchering schemes

“White noise” podcasts

Elon Musk accidentally makes all draft tweets public

How to get a Polygon grant

How to build a personal website with cool crypto features

How to do FedNow/Dropp micropayments

“In the long run we are all dead,” and other bad reasons for monetary reform.

Edited by Ben Schiller.


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CoinDesk is an award-winning media outlet that covers the cryptocurrency industry. Its journalists abide by a strict set of editorial policies. In November 2023, CoinDesk was acquired by the Bullish group, owner of Bullish, a regulated, digital assets exchange. The Bullish group is majority-owned by; both companies have interests in a variety of blockchain and digital asset businesses and significant holdings of digital assets, including bitcoin. CoinDesk operates as an independent subsidiary with an editorial committee to protect journalistic independence. CoinDesk employees, including journalists, may receive options in the Bullish group as part of their compensation.

Daniel Kuhn

Daniel Kuhn is a deputy managing editor for Consensus Magazine. He owns minor amounts of BTC and ETH.

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