Disclaimer: This article was posted as part of CoinDesk’s April Fools’ Day coverage.
Taking advice from r/bitcoin’s best-loved mascot, ToTheMoonGuy┗(°0°)┛ ..○, CoinDesk is shutting down its operations on planet earth today.
The news site, which hinted at plans to relocate to the moon via Instagram 10 months ago, deployed its first staff member, an intern, on its lunar hub this morning.
Speaking over a garbled satellite connection, he said:
“There isn’t much bitcoin here. Come to think of it, there isn’t any news, oxygen or even cheese … Maybe it’s a mistake. It seemed like a good idea at the time.”
Despite having to survive on a limited oxygen supply, most of the team seem over the moon about the opportunity to conquer yet another planet, or satellite – whatever.
CoinDesk’s US editor Pete Rizzo counted himself among the impressed. He said the floating rock was representative of the bitcoin industry’s values: “cold and lifeless and ultimately too far away from the general public to matter”.
Others employees were hostile to the relocation plans, describing the 384,400 km trip as “lunacy”. Developer Jonathan Bull said he was apathetic about the new location, adding:
“CoinDesk’s current office has no atmosphere anyway, so it won’t exactly be a huge change.”
Competition in the bitcoin media space has rocketed in recent months, with many mainstream media outlets now devoting resources to digital currency coverage.
To combat this, CoinDesk is diversifying its offering with the launch of FiatDesk – a microsite devoted exclusively to the coverage of fiat currencies like the US dollar.
CoinDesk CEO Jeremy Bonney said:
“Bitcoin is over. Government-issued currencies (which feature private blockchains and full mining centralisation) are clearly the future of money. The technology behind fiat money hasn’t changed for decades, it’s that good.”
The editorial team say they hope to settle in quickly to continue monitoring the growth of other currencies that push the boundaries – of taste and respectability, including wankcoin, scamcoin, sausagecoin and potcoin.
Bonney confirmed that all employees will be able to return to earth when bitcoin passes the $5,000 mark.
This article was co-authored by Grace Caffyn.